the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
