So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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