I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
