Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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