obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
