So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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