I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
