Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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