My girlfriend figured out who you are.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
