I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
