I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
