He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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