those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
