people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize