Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
