Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
