I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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