Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
