We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
