Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
