..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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