he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
