My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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