You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
