My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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