My liver just broke up with me...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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