Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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