Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
