the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
soo... how was my night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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