I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
