so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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