Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
