Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
