yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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