How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
