They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize