It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
