My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
