we made out on top of his cat.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize