we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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