Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
