So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
