Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I looked at my own cervix.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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