i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
