I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
