i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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