What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
my god I love twenty year old dicks
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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