I skipped work to stalk him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
