I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize