omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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