That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
