Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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