Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
