Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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