and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
