i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
