Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
