New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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