Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
