What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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