All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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