How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
