Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
