Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
