I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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