Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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