Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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