I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
