for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
