i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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