I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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