I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have post one night stand depression
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