I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
vagina is talking i cant
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize