I wish I could punch you in the face.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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