Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize