I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
