So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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