Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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