Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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