everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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