in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
