he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
