I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize